When you focus only on yourself and are always keeping score with your spouse, you’re not in a true relationship with another person. You’re focusing on yourself, what you can get, and where your partner is falling short.
By thinking of the two of you as a team it shifts your focus. Suddenly it’s not “me versus you”; it’s “us.”
I was on a call with Peter the other day and he rattled off all of his goals he wanted to achieve with his upcoming career change. He asked me what I thought of them as he went through the list. As we discussed his passion for business and rekindling some old parts of his life this seemed to bring excitement back in his voice. He couldn’t wait to get started.
I joined in on the excitement and asked him when was going to start on the new venture?
There was a pause in his voice, “I haven’t told my wife about it yet?”
Peter explained they were like oil and water. He said, “When we discuss new ideas it usually does not end well. We end up limiting or not even having these type of discussions, so I was just going to proceed without her.”
“Peter, how do you think that will end up?”, I asked.
A long pause on the phone again.
The first step I recommended to Peter is that he make the first move and communicate with his wife about assisting her with her goals. It will be much more likely that she will open to reciprocate if she sees you as a partner and wanting to work together.
I have been in several discussions regarding putting teams together and I have noticed most of the time people omit involving their partner in their decisions.
So, what do you do? The answer. Communicate.
Sit down with your spouse, make a list and discuss your goals with each other. You most likely have a lot of goals in common and those are the ones where you should have no trouble supporting each other.
It’s also likely you have some goals that are not in common. You might even learn something new about each other and discover a part of your spouse you didn’t even know existed. Maybe your spouse thinks you love your job and never knew you are questioning your career path. Or maybe you thought she was content being a housewife and she has an interest in starting her own home business.
This is a great opportunity to get to know one another better. The important thing is that you take time to listen to each other’s goals and try to understand why they are important.
Helping your partner achieve their goals sure opens up the door to them helping you achieve yours!
Your move now?
Bob Molle (Coach Bob)
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable